So we have sex silently and almost secretly. And this is a shame, because both loud moans or screams, as well as rude and erotic texts spoken to a partner during intercourse are something that many people fantasize about in their erotic imagination. At least this is the result of a study conducted by social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller of the famous Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Dr. Lehmiller conducted his study, which served as the basis for the book “Tell Me What You Want”, on a group of 4,000 Americans, and described the main findings in an article on the website “Sex and Psychology”.
The basic takeaway from this study, in which respondents described their most common sexual fantasies, was that nearly everyone finds dirty talk a big turn-on. After tallying up the results, it turned out that 91 percent of study participants said their partners saying dirty things was something they fantasized about — and 49 percent said they fantasized about it often. Women want to hear dirty texts a little more often than men (93 percent of women versus 90 percent of men). This fantasy is also shared by nonbinary people — 86 percent of them find dirty talk a big turn-on.
I wanna hear you scream
Dr. Lehmiller’s study also shows that people who enjoy “sex talk” in bed also enjoy it when their partner moans or screams while experiencing pleasure. According to Dr. Lehmiller, this is related to the fact that some people are more sensitive than others to auditory stimuli. But the pleasure of a partner’s screams differs significantly between the sexes – while women are more likely to want their partners to say dirty things to them, men are more likely to want their partners to sigh or scream loudly. “And it really pays to not limit ourselves when it comes to experiencing sex out loud,” says Joanna Keszka, sex educator and author of the book “The Power of Funny Sex.” “It’s very instinctive and natural – when we talk loudly, we breathe better, we have more contact with our bodies and without that there is no good sex,” explains Keszka.
Lehmiller also found that fantasies about dirty talk were most often associated with a general tendency toward BDSM, or sadomasochism. In this study, women generally more often than men admitted to fantasizing about BDSM, and they were much more likely than men to fantasize about being called offensive names during sex, such as “s**t” or “slut” — such ideas were shared by 52 percent of women and only 35 percent of men. There are more women who want to hear offensive words than men who want to say them.
Do it! Don’t stop!
But you don’t have to go to such extremes to enjoy exciting conversations. What to say to your partner during sex? – Use language that is appropriate for both of you, advises Keszka. – If you have never practiced dirty tricks before, don’t dive in right away, because the effect for both of you will probably be completely different than intended. Simple phrases: “I want to kiss you everywhere”, “I couldn’t wait to feel you all over”, can work just as well as naming intimate parts in full detail, says Keszka. If we feel insecure in this erotic game, we can first try saying these naughty phrases alone, for example: “You are so hot”, “You have a wonderful penis”, etc. Say it naturally. And then we can go further and further, wherever our imagination takes us, advises Joanna Keszka.
So maybe it’s time to implement these recommendations? Holidays are a good time to rent a house in a remote location or even just relax in your own room – after all, all our students are on vacation… Let’s use our imagination and finally listen to ourselves in bed.
Read also: “The euphoria sets in after a few minutes.” Turbocharged drug sex
