– No problem, it’s been like this for me since my first year of school. I also had a lot on my mind when I was a kid, practicing ballroom dancing every day. I work ten hours a day, both in the café and in the dance hall where I teach. I come back from work or the gym, hug my cats, take a long shower, listen to podcasts, turn on the meditation app and fall asleep. I literally pass out in an instant. Incentive? Every day at seven, including weekends, because on Saturday and Sunday from nine in the morning I have individual dance lessons. This also means good earnings. I go to parties once a month and I also take care of my body and my shape. I don’t want to destroy myself with alcohol or other substances, I really like to sleep. I sleep eight or nine hours a day and that’s fine.
Sexuality and freedom
Ludwika, born in 2000, lives a different life. She defied her parents and didn’t go to university. “After finishing high school, I decided to take a gap year, which is now being extended for another year,” she smiles. We chat via FaceTime. Louise traveled around Europe for the first time: central Italy, southern France. Even though she comes from a wealthy family, she still works part-time, mainly as a bartender, but sometimes she also does commissioned graphics. During the pandemic, she returned to Poland and, as soon as restrictions were eased, she went to South America. In the winter, she settled by the sea in Brazil. She is a bartender. Prices are quite high, so she can’t save anything, but she admits that she doesn’t need much. She wears flip-flops, spends half the day at the beach, like most Brazilians, and in the evenings serves fancy drinks at the hotel bar.
Learning to kitesurf was her dream. “I had a brief affair with the instructor, but he pissed me off when I found out that I also slept with other people almost every night. He made no secret of it. I changed instructors, but we didn’t sleep with the new one anymore,” Ludwika laughs.
He still has no desire to return to Poland, although his mother constantly asks him when he will come home and, most importantly, when he will go to university. She is stressed that her daughter still does not want to come and that her vision of studying is increasingly uncertain. “For my parents’ generation, who are under fifty, studying was the duty of every intelligent and self-respecting person,” says Ludwika. “I tell them that times have changed. I like modern nomadism. Maybe I will finish some graphic design course, get a job and be able to work remotely for whoever I want. My mother does not understand that. We do not talk about eroticism. Sometimes my mother just asks if I am in love with someone,” admits Ludwika.
What is her sex life like? – In Brazil, there is eroticism and sensuality in almost every step: most people wear very skimpy clothing and there is a cult of the body, especially the buttocks. I am absorbing this. I have opened up a lot here, including to myself. I know a lot of Polish travelers, most of us imitate this “free” lifestyle. I have affairs, after all, I meet people from all over the world every day. I also went to bed with a woman because we had some chemistry. Heat, sun, palm trees, sea, strong alcohol, smiles, relaxation. There is no room for restrictive rules here. For now, I don’t want to have a long-term relationship. Mom doesn’t know yet that I will soon return to Europe, I will probably stay in Italy. But I don’t plan on going to university or looking for a fiancé in Poland, Ludwika laughs.
Changes
Both Mateusz and Ludwika are representatives of Generation Z, also called “zoomers”, Generation Z, post-millennials, the Internet generation. According to most sources, this is the generation of people born between 1995 and 2012, although reports sometimes differ. Generally, however, they are people in their early twenties…
– We, the older ones, Generation Z, sometimes call them “digital”, because these people have been exposed to technology from an early age, which is also important for their future lives, relationships, sex and mental health – comments psychologist and sexologist Daria Świderek from the Open Mind Clinic. – They are more global in their thinking and often more active in social, political and environmental issues. Due to the constant access to information, the variety of content (not always appropriate for them) and the easy contact with people from all over the world, as well as after campaigns like #meToo and the experience of the Covid-19 pandemic, these people are often full of contradictory feelings. Fear, curiosity, uncertainty, openness, oppression, self-awareness. It must be admitted that this can be a tiring “combination” – adds Daria Świderek.
And she stresses the importance of Generation Z having grown up in a period of major sociocultural changes, including the growing acceptance of diversity, also in terms of a broadly understood sexuality. “Regular surveys conducted among groups of teenagers show that some changes have occurred. Consequently, millennials are sounding the alarm that people over 20 are having less sex than previous generations. However, these studies are often misleading because they are not adapted to the changes that have occurred, for example in terms of language and understanding of what sex is,” says the expert.
Sexual activity
– In the past, sex was almost always defined as “traditional heterosexual intercourse”, i.e. intercourse with vaginal penetration between two people, a woman and a man – explains Daria Świderek – If we continue to ask in surveys: “Have you ever had sexual intercourse?”, people from Generation Z, according to this understanding of the relationship, will increasingly answer “no”. Does this mean that they are not sexually active? Absolutely not! But they do not only focus on penetration, penis and vagina, but also on a variety of other activities: petting, oral and anal sex, use of gadgets, sex with people of the same sex, etc. – argues the psychologist.
In her opinion, Generation Z, having greater access to reliable sexual education than previous generations, is more aware of the threats and, at the same time, of their own limits and needs. “And they use this knowledge very well,” notes the psychologist. “Some people, while cultivating sexual positivity and acceptance, are concerned about informed consent. Others carry out their fantasies boldly, also with many sexual partners. Still others seek stable and safe relationships, and others completely avoid relationships and/or sex with other people, especially during periods of mental deterioration.”
Your business
Ludwika chats with her friends in Poland via the app every day. She is not surprised that her friend “came out” in front of his parents (he recently broke up with the girl he had his first date with because he fell in love with a boy he met through Tik Tok), while her friend is considering her identity in the context of gender and is currently asking all students, including teachers, to talk to her impersonally.
Sebastian, a 22-year-old student and social media expert who runs his own small online business, hates generalizations. He objects to being called Representative Z. A few years ago, he read in a Deloitte newsletter that “Generation Z is pragmatic and focused on saving.” He laughs that although he already has a good savings account for his young age, pragmatism in his private life is like Mandarin for him. Every month he saves part of his salary (he has worked since he was 18, when he was still in high school; his workspace is a rented studio, a tablet and a smartphone; he helps small entrepreneurs, he has a knack for it). But he is not pragmatic: he often makes decisions at the last minute and, as he happily admits, he often procrastinates.
Yes, he sometimes misses deadlines, but he manages to charm his clients: he returns the favor with a discount or an invitation to lunch. His parents, who work in a company, cannot believe that their son earns the same as they, who have twenty-something years of professional experience. Sebastian, on the other hand, is neither surprised nor embarrassed by this. He thinks he deserves a job that is as cool as it is fun. He admits that he is not trying too hard and has no intention of doing so. He plans to work for a company in the future, just like his parents, but only after he finishes his studies and when he finds a company that offers him several benefits. He is not going to rush. For now, he is developing his business.
Pornography and fantasies
He puts off talking about sex, but not because (apparently) the subject makes him nervous. Sebastian thinks that “there’s not much to talk about.” – I once heard my uncle at my parents’ party yelling that we shouldn’t talk about sex, just do it. I like this position. Sex is not important to me at the moment. I watch a lot of porn because it de-stresses me. All my friends watch porn, the girls too. They are not shy about talking about it, as long as we are in a trustworthy group. There were times when we watched very hardcore movies at parties; we laughed at some strange positions and arrangements in group sex. I like the Asian and Asian category the most, it turns me on. My biggest sexual fantasy is about group sex with Asians and I would like to do that someday, says Sebastian.
Psychologists and researchers warn that the new generations, including the Z-teens but also the younger ones, are increasingly addicted to pornography. In fact, they draw their knowledge about sexuality and eroticism from these materials (there is no sex education in Polish schools and that’s it). And, as we know, real sex life is not like that. As a result, more and more young men are visiting urologists and surgeons who are planning to undergo penis enlargement and anus whitening procedures. Young women, on the other hand, sometimes believe that if their vaginas are not perfect, they should be corrected and should certainly be ashamed of themselves.
– Demands from peers to look one way or another are the norm. It’s also about intimate places, says Julia, 21. She’s not surprised that the guy she’s dating expects her to get a full wax and has commented on her vagina (“it’s nice”). He allowed himself to assess her appearance, without even being asked or challenged about it. – My friends think it has to be this way, but it irritates me and I’ve also started telling my new boyfriend to get waxed in private, because his situation is different. I don’t really care about it, but I want equal treatment, so I demand it just like he does. My favorite thing is to have sex with him after taking MDMA, or ecstasy. Afterwards we do crazy things in bed for hours; we’re relaxed, happy and very excited – admits Julia.
Criticism
– People from Generation Z don’t go to the therapist’s office to make up for their lack of sex education, as is often the case with people from previous generations – notes Daria Świderek, psychologist and sexologist. – In fact, they often know more than the therapists themselves, so they are willing to share their knowledge on a very specific topic of sexuality, which is valuable to us. However, they have a number of fears and dilemmas regarding their identity and the creation of relationships in general, not just romantic and sexual ones. Partly because they no longer see the world in such a zero-to-one way, they often come to the world with a great sense of loss for not following the paths taken by previous generations. They have to forge new paths. And this is a huge challenge for every young person, who can often encounter misunderstandings, pressure to “fit in” or criticism from their surroundings – summarizes the psychologist.
