We read and talk about the hero’s adventures and difficulties – the child does not need to talk about himself. If he does not want to talk, it does not mean that he is avoiding the topic, but that it is very difficult for him, for example, an accident or a difficult medical procedure. A fairy tale will help him expand his perspective and reveal the difficulty. By talking with parents about the world in books, it is easier for the child to understand others, find himself or discover, interpret and construct.
The role of fairy tale therapy in building personal resources is extraordinary. The books talk about acceptance, strengthening self-esteem and building faith in one’s own power and talents. They show the child that he or she is not alone and that someone will help him or her. They tame fear and stress. Fairy tale therapy offers many tools for regulating a child’s emotions. By talking about fairy tales, we teach attitudes and skills that will help the child solve his or her problem.
Here is an example of how fairy tale therapy works. A parent tells a child who is very afraid and avoids many activities: “Stach, if you do this, no one will want to play with you.” You could also say in better language: “You know what, Stachu, I see that you are very afraid when you are in a new place. You can do this and that…”. However, often the child does not take advantage of the advice. It is worth reading to him a fairy tale, for example, about a cat who is very afraid and learns from his friend dog how he can cope with the fear of going out into the meadow. It helps the dog to breathe, break the action into smaller goals, run to a bush and see how he can play there.
Another example: Leon’s parents had their car stolen. They didn’t hide it from the child, he seemed to take it very well. However, Leon’s grandmother noticed that the boy was very upset about the theft, all his emotions were related to this event. Then Leon heard from his mother a story about a girl whose bicycle was stolen. It was not recovered, but the thieves were caught and punished. Mom told Leon a fairy tale several times, which allowed him to express his emotions. After several repetitions, Leon started shouting at the end: “You mustn’t steal! Thieves will be punished.” Leon wanted to listen to the stories for a few days, but over time the problem ceased to exist.
The art of reading fairy tales
Fairy tale therapy involves reading special fairy tales. However, a parent can use the books they have at home and then talk to their child and play with them, referring to the content of the book. Fairy tale therapy is a three-step reading process: discussion and practice.
STAGE I – reading
We start by reading together. Voice modulation is important; eye contact with the child, preferably instantaneous, without looking at the child too much or completely avoiding eye contact and focusing only on the book; tone of voice and pace of speech; showing the child illustrations of the fairy tale; a relaxed position while reading, so that the child can also relax and focus on the content of the fairy tale. Reading aloud, emotionally, activates emotional centers in the brain. Larger amounts of hormones and neurotransmitters are released, which help create connections between nerve cells.
STAGE II – discussion
We invite the child to answer questions about what he or she has heard. We start with the simplest ones, concerning the main character, his or her friends, or the place where the action takes place. For example: did the main character have a favorite friend? Where did the fairy tale take place? Then we move on to questions related to the characters’ experiences, their feelings, and the ideas that arose when trying to overcome the challenge presented in the story. For example: what adventures did the main characters go through? How did they deal with them? How did the main character feel when he or she met new friends? How would you feel in this situation? The search for answers stimulates children’s ability to use the information they have received. It organizes them, encourages them to be creative and express their opinions. Questions about the characters’ states or emotions create space for exploring the child’s emotional sphere. And most importantly, listen carefully to the child. What he or she asks, what interests them, what he or she considers the hero’s greatest difficulty – this is a mine of knowledge about the child.
Stage III – exercise
The reader invites the child to play, but it is the child who decides how the game will go. The story therapist provides an exercise scenario based on the story read and then follows the child’s needs, ideas and pace, gently weaving into the game the content that the child must remember and absorb. The little one can play alone or with a story therapist. The exercise supports the child’s creativity, consolidates and uses the information acquired. We strengthen the bond with the child built by discussing the fairy tale, showing them confidence, supporting them in practicing new skills and enabling them to make independent decisions.
What science comes from a fairy tale
Fairy tale therapy allows you to name the problem and solve it using various mechanisms.
^ Identification – the child identifies with the main character who experiences specific adventures and difficulties. Character problems can be transferred to the reality of a child’s life. For example, a fairy tale about a child who has difficulty adapting to kindergarten.
- Imitation – allows you to observe the hero, his behavior and transfer it to your own life. A child who cannot find his place in kindergarten learns patterns of reaction to stressful and problematic situations. For example, he learns how to communicate his needs to other children and build relationships with them.
- Normalization – shows the child that they are not alone in a difficult situation. The hero goes through the same problems, which is comforting.
- Desensitization – allows you to look at your problem from a safe distance and experience it in a safe environment. When the hero experiences a stressful situation in kindergarten, the child identifies with it, but is also able to look at it from a distance. They get used to the problem and deal with it more easily. They can check whether what they feared was really difficult. Repeating a story several times reduces the emotional impact of a stressful stimulus.
By using books and fairy tale therapy, we can teach children, relax and calm them, tame their emotions and develop their communication skills. At the same time, we find out what they think about a given topic and where they see difficulties. This makes it easier to build a strong bond. Parents can support themselves with books, films, TV series, performances, concerts and fairy tale therapy methodology – also to build relationships with other adults. By listening carefully and talking about the characters’ motivations, he understands himself and others better.
Agnieszka Machnicka — co-founder and president of the Zaczytani.org foundation, fairy tale educator and trainer at FamilyLab. Has been managing projects and leading teams for 15 years, holds a postgraduate degree in holistic human capital management and the Comprehensive Study of Empathy-Based Communication Trainers
