Sex in prisons
The teacher, in an act of revenge for the unrequited flirtation, complained to the principal about Jacek having pornographic material. There was a thorough search of the cell, the so-called “you boil”. Only sensual photos of Klaudia in her underwear were found… Jacek wasted no time behind bars. He read 400 books (he has all the titles written down), worked, developed and tried to train.
– Sex in prison is like a Yeti: everyone knows it exists, but no one has seen it. We play “in front of the cell” – he says.
He was imprisoned from 2017 to 2022, three of which were in closed systems. For five years, he was never discharged, despite very good behavior, and worked in the prison kitchen, sometimes 390 hours a month, despite excellent reviews.
He agreed to speak on his behalf because, as he says, he has a mission. He wants to help reintegrate his friends who are serving time into society. He has a plan to start a foundation. For him, entire families, including spouses, partners, and children, suffer because of the unfair prison system that causes so much harm. One of the important factors that is often overlooked in reintegration is intimacy.
Prison is not a brothel
Jacek served in six different prisons, for comparison. First in Racibórz, then three months in Nowy Sącz, from where he was taken to Tarnów, a high-security facility. This is a facility that has a very bad reputation among prisoners throughout Poland, famous for its cruelty.
Jacek found himself in a cell with five murderers and degenerates. He went to work in the kitchen. He tried to get out of that place for a long time. Finally he succeeded: Katowice and “full culture”, as he puts it. Only there could he visit “without supervision” his beloved, with whom he had a relationship after the divorce (still free). From Katowice he was transferred to Głubczyce and finally to Turawa, where the so-called women’s prison (women’s prison) was located.
– I visited six prisons, and only in Racibórz was there an official room for intimate visits that actually worked, not just on paper – says Jacek. – But I don’t know anyone who has been there for an intimate visit! Most intimate rooms in prisons function daily as… storage rooms for equipment. Only when an external inspection arrives is the room quickly tidied up, a bed is made, a blanket is laid on the floor. I once asked my sympathetic teacher to write me a consent form for an intimate visit, but she said: “Mr. Jacek, what if I agree and the director still doesn’t sign it?” The directors of the centers claim that there is no possibility of sex “because the prison is not a brothel.”
Over the course of five years, Jacek managed to have several intimate encounters, including: in Katowice, where they were officially called “unsupervised visits.” The guard supporting him signaled with a cough as the warden walked down the hallway. This meant that Jacek and his partner had to quickly get dressed and sit as if they were having a conversation. The warden could walk in at any moment. If he saw them “in action,” everyone (including the guard) would be in trouble.
The “self-contained visit” took place in a separate room, effectively without cameras or monitoring. These types of rooms, called “private rooms” by inmates, are decorated in much the same way. The most important thing is the bed, and there is usually a desk, a chair, an armchair and sometimes a radio. As a worker, Jacek fared better than others; he was given more time than the usual hour. Many inmates can only dream of that.
“It is humiliating and violates privacy”
“There is a problem with sex in prison,” admits psychologist and sexologist Marcin Walicki, who has worked in Warsaw’s Białołęka and Służewiec prisons, among others. “Intimate visits are officially a form of reward, theoretically available to all prisoners, even sex offenders. But in the seven years I have worked in prisons, I can recall perhaps a few instances where an inmate had this opportunity. I have met prison directors who made no secret of the fact that they did not want this kind of thing to happen in their units. It also involves the police officers and their time, they have to search a person who enters from outside, and they also have to clean the room; nothing really comes of it for the individual himself.”
Reports from inmates and therapists show that many prison directors do not agree with intimate visits “because they don’t want a brothel here.” Of course, no one will admit this officially, and the question of whether or not to grant a reward in the form of close-ups is neither common nor obvious.
– Prisoners have the right to visits without the presence of a supervisor, in a separate room, including so-called intimate meetings – says lawyer Monika Wieczorek from the Wieczorek law firm in Warsaw. – However, this is not an absolute right; it is a form of reward and is given for exceptional good behaviour or as an incentive to improve behaviour. This is specified in detail in the Regulation of the Minister of Justice of 19 December 2016 on the living conditions of persons incarcerated in prisons and detention centres.
— An inmate does not have to justify a request for consent to unsupervised visitation by saying that he intends to satisfy his sexual need. It is humiliating and violates privacy. Inmates also have the right to privacy, including: sexual sphere. In my opinion, increasing the availability of visits to family members, partners, including intimate visits, could have a positive impact on the resocialization process by better fulfilling the need for closeness and intimacy – emphasizes the lawyer.
Unsupervised
In reality, however, the right to intimate visits is generally not recognized in prisons. Many prisoners ignore the topic of sex because they know that there is no point in even asking for consent for intimate visits.
Jacek Miczek did not give up. He asked for support from the educators and worked hard to earn the reward. For months they dealt with Klaudia as best they could. They wrote romantic letters and talked. It was in Katowice that a more favorable time began for them: independent visits, which turned into intimate ones. Always taking risks.
As psychologist Marcin Walicki says, there are units where intimate visions are treated more kindly. And there are also those where it is known that no one will get anything. Prisoners do not even write any requests there, do not ask, because they know that it will not help anyway.
Prisoners have had the hardest time during the pandemic. – More strict and safer than in hospitals – Jacek smiles. – I haven’t seen my son in two years. He’s 14 now and we’re slowly rebuilding our bond. Many of my colleagues’ wives gave up on their relationships during the pandemic; they didn’t want or couldn’t wait to see each other or talk about sex… Often, a friend would call home, the phone would go silent or blocked, and the wife would stop coming for visits. I’ve witnessed a lot of dramas. No one in prison goes to a psychologist because it’s frowned upon. It can always be used against us, for example, depression as a reason to refuse a pass…
Jacek doesn’t hide the fact that he and Klaudia have had their ups and downs over the past five years. There was a lack of intimacy, difficult contact and some friends were saying that she should leave a partner who “sits”. – I had dilemmas about whether I should break up with her so as not to ruin her life. But it turned out that we couldn’t exist without each other, he says.
The foundation he plans to set up would help prisoners contact their loved ones, but would also help them live in freedom. “I remember when I was released after five years. I stood with a bag of clothes at the prison gate, I had PLN 84 in my hand, and what next? If it weren’t for Klaudia, I could have fallen apart, like many of my peers who, without family, return to crime,” he says.
The intimate life of prisoners
Jacek’s mission is to fight for the private lives of inmates and their loved ones. When reading books borrowed from prison libraries, he always came across the absolute basis of reintegration: contact with loved ones, including sex. But this is still non-existent or minimal. And you can’t maintain a relationship without sex for years.
– I was once sitting with a friend from Italy: a dangerous criminal from the mafia group. He couldn’t believe what was happening in Poland. In Italy, even in a maximum security detention center, he and his wife had intimate visits twice a week. Sex is a right of every human being, says Jacek Miczek.
Most prisoners who serve long sentences behind bars experience rejection, shunning, or simply… divorce. Some prisoners claim that they are the ones who break off relationships for the good of their partners or spouses. It varies.
– People associate conjugal visits only with having sex, but it is a broader phenomenon – emphasizes Marcin Walicki. – It is also an opportunity to gather the whole family in a separate room, for example with the wife, mother and children. Time for an intimate conversation and a hug. Visiting rooms in prisons are very crowded, noisy and loud during designated times, which can be difficult for everyone, especially for children. And as for sex: of course, this form of intimacy often brings the relationship closer. Sometimes sex can at least compensate for the separation, longing and waiting.
Romance and rape in a cell
Another taboo is sexual relations between prison staff and inmates. Officially, as lawyer Monika Wieczorek says, it is of course forbidden.
– I have heard several stories, for example about a ward maid who got pregnant by an inmate. Or about a psychologist who fell in love with an inmate and it was mutual – admits Jacek Miczek. – In one center, a counselor took away the wife of an inmate who came for visits. It also happened that a nurse had an affair with an inmate. He was fired from his job as punishment, and when the inmate was released, they became a couple!
Jacek laughs at TV series and films in which prisoners have affairs with each other. He says that this does not happen. He claims that among the women, in the “women’s clubs”, there are many lesbians who start affairs or relationships. But homosexual people in prison have an extremely difficult situation, they are harassed and beaten, so no one is at risk. Rapes between prisoners? Apparently, they happened in the 1990s, but not anymore.
