Unusual bathers
Here, in the shade of a palm tree, a woman in a suit is reclining on a lounge chair. Her elegant outfit is surprisingly inappropriate, and the red high heels on her feet look downright bizarre in this setting. So do the tie, suit, and leather shoes of the man sitting on the adjacent lounge chair. The slight smiles on both their faces, combined with the look of focus and determination visible in their eyes, make it seem as if they are negotiating some important business deal.
A young man can be seen about a dozen meters away. Although he is wearing shorts and a stretched T-shirt, there are many open books and printed sheets of paper scattered around and above him, rustling in the sea breeze. It is all scientific content: textbooks, publications, bibliographic lists and research reviews.
A thirty-year-old woman walks along the beach, her feet soaking in the waves. She is wearing a bikini and a doctor’s coat, and a stethoscope is hanging around her neck. With a concentrated expression on her face, she explains something to her older companion walking beside her. Was she providing advice?
These two women – one in an apron over a bikini, the other in a wide-brimmed straw hat – are not the only unusual couple walking along the seashore. You only have to look around to notice another one. They are both in their forties, she is in beachwear, looking around with a happy expression on her face. He – judging by his expression – has completely different emotions – he looks around with a dejected expression. Maybe it’s because of the outfit? In addition to knee-length pants and a sports T-shirt, the man is also wearing a climbing harness and a helmet on his head.
And there’s this girl with bags under her eyes and a determined expression on her face. She’s trying to quickly get to one of the sun loungers, but she’s carrying so many things that every now and then something falls out of her hands – this is the latest bestseller by a widely read author, this is a set of fitness bands, a mask and a snorkel, and this is a book with crosswords and sudoku. There are so many of these things that it’s impossible to carry them all without losing one of them every now and then.
The scene described above, if interpreted literally, has little to do with reality. No one in their right mind walks along the beach in climbing gear or with an apron and stethoscope. But if we look at it metaphorically, as an expression of what might be going on in some people’s heads, then the image acquires a deeper meaning.
The equal sign is not for everyone
A woman lying on a sun lounger in the shade of a palm tree and a man sitting next to her – in fact, both are in beachwear. They met on the way from the airport to the hotel, finding out that they run companies operating in related industries. A chance meeting turned into a business opportunity that both did not want to give up. As a result, instead of going to the beach, they began to negotiate a contract that promised huge profits. And although both came there with their families, now families have taken a back seat. Relatives would like to be with the businesswoman or businessman, but they accept the futility of asking for their attention. First, they would probably hear: “Yes, I’m sorry, I’m done and I’ll get back to you.” And then probably reproaches: “Why do you think we can afford this vacation? It doesn’t just happen, someone has to earn everything!”
The suck of everyday life
A young man about a dozen meters away is wearing swimming trunks, but holding an academic book in his hands. Just after returning from vacation, he has a deadline to submit his master’s thesis. He didn’t want to give up on the trip, but he also can’t relax, thinking about how much work awaits him right after he returns. There are many more people like him at the resort. A businessman who, even while on vacation, has to take care of the company’s current affairs. The editor-in-chief of the magazine divides her time between her family and the upcoming deadline for sending the next issue to the printer. An adult daughter of an elderly father, whose vacation coincided with his hospitalization – now the woman is caught between the needs of two families: the one she comes from and the one she raised.
Each of these people, when going on vacation, left behind matters that required their attention and from which they cannot escape.
Adult masks
A thirty-year-old woman is walking along the beach in a bikini and has left her apron and stethoscope at home. After her residency and specialization, this is her first real vacation. A vacation she couldn’t afford, but her parents gave her to celebrate passing her exam and honor many years of hardship. The older woman walking next to me is a nice lady I met by chance in a restaurant. Upon learning about the young doctor’s profession, she immediately asked her for advice. On the one hand, she would just like to be on vacation, but on the other hand, she feels the awakening of professional curiosity and the sense of mission that drew her to medical studies. So she puts on a professional mask and begins an informal consultation. Is she the only one who does this? Certainly not.
The difficult art of compromise
A couple in their forties, both in beachwear – she with a happy expression on her face, he with a somewhat dejected expression that he tries to hide as she watches, have arrived for their long-awaited and desired vacation. However, he prefers to be on the move, sweating and pushing the limits of his body somewhere on technically difficult climbing routes. Static holidays are not for him. But he doesn’t want to disappoint her, so he puts his desires aside. And again, he is probably not the only one. But why do something like this to yourself? In the name of other equally important values: being a good partner or a father who puts the expectations of his children above his own needs.
All or nothing
And finally, a girl with dark circles under her eyes and a look of determination and tiredness on her face. This expression is the result of the constant pressure she feels. Maybe she is very demanding of herself and still feels the need to achieve: more academic degrees, more career steps, more successes in sports. Or maybe he has ADHD, which means he can’t plan and always agrees to many things, and then, not wanting to fail, does everything he can to make them happen. Regardless of the reasons – extremely high self-demands or ADHD – a similar pattern also occurs when she goes on vacation. There is also pressure to make the most of her vacation. Do all the things you normally don’t have time for. Visit all those places that can’t be easily returned to due to the distance. And although she is finally on vacation, she still feels a sense of internal pressure and dissatisfaction. Because when she reads a book, she doesn’t go sightseeing. When she goes sightseeing, she doesn’t play sports. When she does play sports, she doesn’t try all the local specialties. This vacation is very tiring.
The power of consciousness
Each of the characters described here does not get a good quality rest during their vacation. And everyone needs something different to get such a rest someday. A businesswoman and a businessman probably need to become aware of their own workaholism. A student will finally write a master’s thesis and be ready. But a businessman and a publisher will probably need to find the optimal time for a vacation in their professional routine and learn to divide the travel time for rest and the minimum necessary “check off” from professional obligations while still on the trip. The daughter of a hospitalized father would probably be most helped by knowing that there is someone capable and reliable on site. A young doctor and all other people who sacrifice themselves for the sake of values and a sense of mission will benefit most from having a clearly defined boundary: “you are on vacation now, not at work!” All couples, fathers, mothers and other pleasers and pleasers on the other side – the ability to speak openly and first determine the vacation wishes of each person with whom they spend the vacation, and only then choose a place that meets these wishes. A girl with bags under her eyes will be presented with a big banner with the words “Slow down!” that she’ll probably ignore anyway, but that might make her feel more real, at least for a moment. But there’s also something universal that will be helpful to each of the people mentioned above. Knowing that what’s happening—the way they operate on vacation (and in life)—is not healthy.
Przemysław Mućko — psychotherapist and knowledge disseminator, working in the field of schema therapy. Author of the blog “PsychoWiedzy” and the podcast “People tak ma”
