The privilege of not having bad experiences
I know this sounds paranoid to some people, but for me and most women I know, it’s a reaction to what’s happened to us in life. When I was younger, I wasn’t afraid to talk to a stranger in a bar, I wasn’t checking to see if the driver was on the right track. I’ve lived with the privilege of not having bad experiences. Unfortunately, it’s often given to women for a very short period of time.
So I started collecting bad stories. Or listen to them – like the one a TikTok user recently shared. She was attacked on a Warsaw street around 5 am while waiting for a taxi to go home from work. A stranger approached her, as she says, and she immediately sensed danger. She explains that “the guy was very aggressive, constantly trying to get my attention with various texts. I didn’t react to his innuendos or provocations, always moving away in the opposite direction because I didn’t want to give any sign of interest. The situation started to get worse because he started getting very close, constantly asking me to go with him.”
Although the woman told the attacker to move away and leave her alone, he did not give up. She took out her phone to record what was happening. At one point, he picked her up, then threw her to the ground and dragged her by her legs. People passing by in cars did not react, although she screamed. Fortunately, after some time, security guards from a nearby building intervened. The police were called and, according to the girl, they were not even interested in watching the video or taking the complaint.
The helplessness of the victim
The woman then posted the story on TikTok. Shortly after, the man was arrested and taken to a psychiatric hospital due to his mental state. However, many commenters on her video were interested in knowing why she was recording and ridiculed that “this is the way of the world today, people record instead of defending themselves.”
I am not at all surprised by her behavior. If there was no recording, most people probably would not believe her. She would not have a recorded image of her attacker. Unfortunately, we still live in a society where victims’ words are questioned. While false accusations are a danger, the credibility of the perpetrators is even more important. Because of this, there are few reports – the victim feels powerless without strong evidence.
I wish I had a record of every instance in which someone has done something bad to me. I wish I had a picture of the guy who slipped a “date rape pill” into my drink at the club. Or the guy who took pictures of me through the window when I lived downstairs. The guy who drunkenly broke a glass over my friend’s head. Or the Bolt driver who swerved off the road and tried to hit my friend, who miraculously escaped. Maybe then everyone would suffer the consequences? Maybe with such clear evidence, none of us would hear “you probably asked for it.”
You don’t need to scare us
Most of all, I wish I wasn’t afraid anymore. I wish I knew everything was safe out there. I’m tired of wasting energy wondering what else I can do to take care of myself. I’m tired of avoiding parks after dark. Holding my drinks tightly to my side and spilling them if I take them out of sight for a moment. My heart is pounding and my breath is in my nose when the Uber I’m driving takes a slightly different route. I wish I didn’t worry about whether my friends will get home safely anymore. Not having scary visions when they forget to write “arrived.”
Right-wing politicians and some men are trying to scare us, saying: “You’ll see what will happen if we let in more immigrants and refugees.” You really don’t need that. What is happening to us now is already terrible. I urge you: do something to prevent this from happening, instead of just playing on our fears in a calculated way. We are very tired of this.
